Every so often I have this urge to write, but I don't know where to start or what I even want to say. Right now is one of those times so I guess I'm just going to type until I land on something or nothing at all.
It's October 13. So far, in my world, October means Autumn. It means vibrantly colored leaves, it means pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING, it means layering, it means finally drinking hot coffee again, it means uggs (after all I AM from New Jersey), it means going numb from the cold in the highest section of Giants Stadium screaming my head off, it means crisp air and fireplaces. Now, I live in Los Angeles and apparently October means shorts and a tank top and still having beads of sweat run down your back, it means you still can't drive with the windows down yet, unless you want to get sunburn and also swamp ass, it means tracking the Giants games on twitter because you don't have a TV or access to the stadium, it means iced coffee still, and total confusion when reminded that kids are now in school and it is not, in fact, still summer.
I guess if I'm being honest, whenever I am away from New Jersey in the fall, that is undoubtedly always the time I will start to feel that twinge of homesickness. I could not be happier to finally be living my life in LA. It was the move of a lifetime and I feel so excited that I get to wake up and be here everyday. However, Autumn is my favorite time of the year, and there's no place quite like Jersey to spend it. Every fall I am away from home I will always reminisce on my childhood, with all four seasons and a lot of love. In that 100 year old house that basically warned you with every creak not to even try to sneak out. (Mom and Dad, I really never even tried). There's really nothing like fall in New Jersey, followed by winter in New York, and I won't lie, I'm feeling some FOMO about it.
On the other hand, October in Los Angeles also means every day is still a gorgeous one. Every sunset is otherworldly and Instagram-worthy. Sure, I can't break out the gorgeous leather jacket I finally own yet, but my best friend and I might take a trip to the beach this week. A TRIP TO THE BEACH. IN OCTOBER. Like, that is insane to me. It's actually impossible to be unhappy for too long here, because you take a step outside and it's a breath of fresh air. (Not literally, because literally it's like inhaling sweat, especially in the valley, but figuratively a breath of fresh air, because of all the beauty and stuff.)
All of this just makes me reflect on how happy I am to be here. When your biggest woes are "ugh it's so hot today I am sweating everywhere WHEN WILL I BE ABLE TO WEAR MY NEW LEATHER JACKET, WHEN" you're probably doing just fine. And that's not even actually a woe! I mean really, "Boo hoo, it's too hot here in sunny California, someone bring me a cup of ice, ugh the sun is shining too brightly, OMG do I smell, EW I'M SWEATING OFF MY MAKEUP" Like, there are people in the world without food. Your makeup looks fine. Somehow the beauty of California makes really big issues like trying to find a home, or having a job that sucks the life out of you, seem totally temporary and secondary. If you told me a year ago while I was still in New York, and arguably depressed, that almost a full year into living in Los Angeles I'd still be moving from temporary stay to temporary stay without a true home and be working at a job that makes me want to chug a bottle of wine, you would have put me into a state of emergency panic attack. But now, I feel like all of that melts away as soon as I decide not to focus on it, and focus on something else instead, like creativity, and adventures.
It's like a bittersweet heartbreak to be away from home during this time of the year, but if being here means I'm closer to my dreams and one step closer to being able to achieve things for my family and myself, then every day is worth it and well spent.
I'll be home for Christmas, you can count on me. <3
